u wont know how lucky u were til it's lost
i hv to admit tht i live with regrets most of the time, esp when it comes to r/ship. i always take things for granted til the guy is gone or perhaps has moved on with his life. i dun realise it previously, not til recently when i meet crappy guys. i long for someone who will take care of me no matter where i am, just like when i was young. a guy to be there for me, who will find time for me whenever i need someone to listen to me. or when i cant sleep at nite, he'll chat on the phone and stay on the line with me til i feel sleepy and ready for my beauty sleep. but those days are gone, long time ago. i cant seem to find anyone who can take the place anymore, not even a close call.
guess i spend too much time thinking and worrying what will happen in the future when future is unpreditable. guess i spend too much time searching the perfect guy til i let good guys slip passsed my life. guess i spend too time wondering what could hv been or might hv been instead of accepting the guy and find out by myself what he has to offer. perhaps i avoid the confession frm guys too much for fear of getting into a heartbroken and devastating period like previously, thus losing the love of any suitable guy.
i miss those time when guys pamper me like lil princess. i miss those time when i playfully tease the guy and he blushes. i miss the time when he'll look at his shoes when he's speaking with me. i miss the time when i tease him tht his shoes hv d same name as me, kylie. i miss the time when he'll put his hands in his pockets and look at the floor while having a shy smile and blushing. i miss the time when he's nervous when chatting face to face with me. i miss staring at those eyes which assure me tht everything will be alrite as long as he's by my side or inside my heart. i miss those time when i take the effort to doll up hrs before going out with him or the guys. i miss the time when he intro songs for me to listen. i miss those time when i feel kinda embarrass when chatting wif him on the phone but yet i pretend to be brave. i miss the time when i find every possible excuses just to reject his invitation for outing as i dun wanna make a fool outta myself in front of him. i miss the time when he brings me out to meet his friends and they are envy of him. i miss the time when i treat other guys better in front of him when i'm jealous of other gurls treating him better. i miss the time when he smiles and blushes when i look at him. i miss the time when he turns away shyly when i find out he's stealing looks at me. i miss the time when he knows tht i realise him stealing looks at me but both of us cont to steal looks at each and turns away without anyone else noticing. i miss the time when he'll hum or sing a song to me. i miss the time when he teaches me new stuff or tricks. i miss the time when he's checking on me when i'm out with my friends. i miss the time he's jealous of other guys when i treat them better than him. i miss the time he tells me tht i hurt him and hope tht i'll treat him better. i miss the time when i bully him and he pretends to be hurt. i miss the time when i touch him, butterflies are dancing in my tummy. i miss the smile tht comforts me no matter how shitty my life is. i miss the time when he's worried of me and misses me. i miss the time when he asks me to meet him in my dreams. i miss the time when he'll ask me whether i'm cold. i miss the time when he'll look out for me and tell me to be careful when there's a hole on the ground. i miss the time when he'll taste the food to find whether it's spicy before asking me to try. i miss the time when i dun wanna try his food coz he has tasted it. i miss the time when i refuse to try his food or drinks coz his saliva is in it but i still take other guys' food. i miss the time when he is jealous of other guys coz i refuse to try his food when i'm trying everyone else's food. [ok,i think too much la. his saliva is in the food or drinks so me dun wanna take it coz i prefer to kiss him in the future instead ;P ] gosh, i just miss the time when i'm in luv with the moments he's there. it's been a long time since any guy has made me feel tht way.
like what my friends hv said, i'm a impossible gurl. i dun appreciate it when the guy appears in my life but regrets it when he's gone. i dun tell or admit tht i hv feelings for the guy for fear tht he will hurt me in return if things dun turn out well. i ponder too much without any realistic actions. i hv too much worries about the unknown and uncertainty. i should really refrain myself for acting and speaking opposite of what i think. i should stop denying when i fall for a guy. but the time isnt rite. the guy has not appeared in my life. perhaps he's near but i dun feel his presence. i hope i wont repeat all my stoopid mistakes when he appears in my life, which is kinda difficult coz everytime i tell myself tht i shouldnt do this or tht, i do the opposite and i regret it big time but dunno how to apologise to him and keep quiet in the end. haiz....tht's me. hope the next guy will try to break the walls built in my heart and melt the ice in my heart. hope he stays long enuff to change me into tht warm gurl tht everyone used to know. hope he'll realise tht i'm cold and harsh towards him coz i care for him and hv high hopes and expect the best frm him. hope he'll be able to take the pressure or the attention he gonna get frm other ppl when he's with me.
guess i'm ready to let a guy share part of my life now. *crosses fingers tht the guy will appear anytime*
p/s: i dun hv any bf or ex-bf... 'he' refers to the guys i used to adore... the past is the past. but still they are in my memory and heart as a guidance and lesson for me when i finally meet my prince...Labels: lil chatty chat
♥ kyliemc ♥
2 glass dollie(s)
