1. i can't deal with guys' jealousy issues. i have few close guy friends to. though we don't chat a lot but still they are my close friends and sometimes i treat them like my own sisters. if the guys who a going after me can't accept the fact that i still need my own circle of friends, then just forget bout it because i can't take the pressure again and again and again. i'm so tired of arguing all the time and knowing me, i have a very high ego too. i'll argue til the end and not cry or apologise after that. sometimes i just wonder how come other people's relationship is so simple? the typical boy meets girl, they like each other and get together.
2. i don't know how to differentiate whether the guy is going after me or he's just being a real gentleman because he always help girls. seriously, i used to know roughly which guy has feelings for me but now i can't even tell. when guys treat me good, i'll always make myself think that they are being nice and i should not think too much or perasan.
3. i'll deny it to the max even if someone has guessed correctly which guy i have feelings for. asking a friend or group of friends to test me online or in public don't do any good. i'll still deny to the max. i don't know why i do that but i just can't help myself. perhaps i'm afraid that i embarrass myself because the guys are just playing pranks.
4. i always find a lot of excuses to avoid going out with guys that i like. no matter it's in the past or present. i'm so afraid that i will screw things up and the best way to avoid that is to just stay home. a lot of guys take it as a rejection. they try not once but numerous times and the outcome is still the same. perhaps i'll go out with them once a while but most of the time i'll stay home.
   
5. i always do opposite of what i really want to do. for example, sometimes i really want to be nice or flirt with him but i end up bullying or criticising him. -_-|| i get the point, i'm totally helpless. guys again will take that as a rejection. i constantly remind myself that i should NOT do that but i end up doing just that. sometimes friends that see the whole situation feel like kicking me or slapping me for hurting the poor guy. actually i feel like kicking myself too. i guess my close friends have vomited lots of blood til they just pretend they don't see it. haiz... i know i need to change this bad habit but i can't refrain myself from doing the same mistake all the time.
6. i listen to my head instead of my heart most of the time. normally we need to listen to our heart when it comes to relationship but i listen to my head. my heart tells me to go ahead and confess my feelings when he's hinting me but my head rejects by reasoning out that i have interpreted his actions wrongly. he's just being nice, warm and friendly.
7. i love to chat on the phone only when the other party on the phone is not the guy i like. i'll normally keep the conversation really short if it's the guy i like is on the line. to which i regret big time after i hang up the call because i miss his voice. yeah, i know i'm beyond impossible. i feel like shooting myself at times too. my close friends who are reading this, please don't laugh or vomit blood.

Labels: lil chatty chat

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